Monday, February 28, 2011

List Three: Things That Make Me Me

We all like to think that we fit in, but have a few things about ourselves that set us apart from others. I tried to think of a few and while I know that many people will have similar attributes, the collection of all of them in one person helps make me distinctly me.

1. I'm a girl who loves to watch and play football and basketball, but I also get super excited when I get to wear my gorgeous 4-inch purple peep-toe heels.

2. I don't like Hollywood or the hypocrisy of actors who make millions of dollars for a few months' work and think I should be giving away more of my money while they buy houses that could house entire villages of the poor countries they so want to help and I struggle to make rent, but I love the glamour of the Oscars.

3. I have an undergraduate degree, a graduate certificate and a master's degree and I feel like a failure every day when I come to work as an administrative assistant. I despise telling people what I do b/c it looks ridiculous. I took the admin job at a university so I could get a free master's degree and over a year since completing it, I'm doing the same job. I hate it when people ask me where I work and what I do.

4. When I'm at work sitting down all day, I really want to go work out. As soon as I'm off work, I have no desire to work out and I just want to go home and sit down all night.

5. I currently only own one pair of jeans. I had a second pair, but they got a hole in them and I don't wear holey jeans. I've never been a jeans hoarder and don't understand the need for multiple pairs so I usually have a dark pair and a light pair. I'll replace my light pair and be perfectly fine with my 2 pairs of jeans.

6. I'm anti-Apple. I have a Microsoft Zune instead of an iPod and I refuse to get an iPhone. I resent the anti-conformity angle they use while almost completely monopolizing the mp3 player and smartphone markets. What do the hipsters and artists and people who are sooooo different from everyone else use? Apple everything.

7. I'm totally in love with cats and don't really care for dogs. I know this makes me appear quite crazy and scares guys off but I don't care. Cats are cute and playful while also being independent beings who need very little. They can also love on you very gently and be very sweet. Dogs smell and jump and lick you and need so much maintenance. A dog loving on you always involves being head-butted and licked and it's quite unpleasant. And did I mention they smell? Before you jump on me that cats' litter boxes smell, let's review something. Cats themselves do not smell. If you clean their litter box as you're supposed to, that doesn't smell either. Dogs smell. Like the actual dog smells. Every house that owns a dog smells like dog.

8. I hate the band Nirvana. With a passion. I think they were an absolutely awful band and not because of Grohl or Novaselic. Kurt Cobain was atrocious. He could not sing, he had an elementary understanding of the guitar, he could NOT sing (I want to ensure that's emphasized), and his lyrics were anything but genius: they were the ramblings of a drug addict. He killed himself because he didn't want to be famous (and because he was a drug addict and didn't think straight) and I'm supposed to be sad about that? Cry me a river Kurt, you know how to not be famous? You don't be famous. See me? Right now? I'm being not famous. It's easy. If you didn't want to be famous anymore or sell out your music you know what you do? You stop selling your music. You stop giving interviews on MTV about not wanting to be famous, you stop making videos, you stop putting albums out, you stop touring, etc. I'm sure many non-conformists listen to your mass-produced messages on their iPods.

9. One of my favorite things in the world is to get up Sunday morning and make waffles while playing the local classic rock station. Double the pleasure if it's nice out and I can open the windows as well.

10. I want to go on a ship at night. Not a cruise ship, but a big ole fishing boat or something. I want to act like the sailor I feel like. A yacht with all of its lights turned off would suffice, but I really want to hear the creaking of a ship at sea at night.

11. I love ballet. I loved it when I danced it and I love to watch it. If I was rich and living in NYC, I'd have season tickets to the American Ballet Theater and I'd love every second of it.

12. I don't have a GPS and will probably never have a GPS. I do this thing before I go somewhere with which I'm not familiar called "looking up directions and looking at the map." I'm pretty good with directions and as I've seen my ability to retain phone numbers diminish with the use of cell phones, I refuse to have that happen with my sense of direction and ability to find places on my own.

13. I don't really understand what "Esquire" means. I know that it goes after the name of some attorneys, but I don't understand it. Are all attorneys "esquires?" Does "esquire" always mean attorneys, or can another profession use the term? Are esquires only men? Is it a certain class or type of attorney that can use "esquire?"

14. Many of the things I was obsessed with as a child are still obsessions now. Volcanoes, weather (hurricanes especially), ballet, and geology can still get me excited and giddy.

15. I cannot end lists on anything other than a multiple of 5. Lists HAVE to end with a 5 or 0. Have to.

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