The Funny List

Comedy is the subject about which I'm most passionate. Some people care about politics, some about the environment, some people care about education, and others about babies.

Me? I care about comedy. I care about stand-up comedy especially. It's exceedingly difficult to please me with stand-up. It has to be done correctly. It has to be sharp, smart, quick, and like the person is telling stories instead of jokes. I want to laugh about life. They have to be random and make me laugh because I can't see the punchline coming or I never would have thought of that comparison. If I can predict the joke, or if you yell at me and think the way to make me laugh is by screaming profanities, I won't laugh. If you can say the same profanities in funny witty stories that I can't predict, then you might make it on Em's Funny List someday. This is of course a goal to which all aspiring comedians should strive since I do have a knack for recognizing the goods. After all, I had my friends watching Jeff Dunham back in the late 80s/early 90s when MTV had its "Half-Hour Comedy Hour" and I thought his Jalepeno on a Stick was just too funny to adequately describe so I'd have them come to my house when it was on. Never heard of, or don't remember, MTV's Half-Hour Comedy Hour? I win.

The following are my favorite comedians, in ascending order:

10. Steve Byrne. I sure hope he'll be making a name for himself quite soon. Very funny Asian.

9. Steven Wright. Most people know him as "The Guy on the Couch" in Half-Baked. He's so much more than that. His stand-up was a little like Mitch Hedberg's in that it was very dry and deadpan and his one-liners were fantastic.

8. 90s Paula Poundstone. I loved her act. Many times she'd just come out and talk to the audience--completely improv. I can't tell you how intelligent that is to me. If you can go out on stage with no material and just have faith in your own quick wit then you know you've picked the correct path. I'd love to just hang out with her. I think she'd kill me with laughter.

7. Eddie Murphy. His "Eddie Murphy Raw" is still one of the funniest stand-up shows ever.

6. Ellen DeGeneres. One of her earliest routines included an airline focus. I still reference it. I love when someone recognizes the hilarity of life. I want to hang out with her too.

5. Bill Cosby. A true classic. He's gone kind of crazy and isn't as funny anymore (saw him in December 2008 and he kind of reminded me of your grandfather who's losing it and has become totally inappropriate but not in a funny way) but his early stuff is fabulous. I re-purchased "Bill Cosby: Himself" just a few years ago and laughed as hard as I did the first time. I want chocolate caaaaake!

4. Mitch Hedburg. If you see an escalator out of service and think to yourself "Escalators can never break down. They simply become stairs" then Mitch touched you too. "A friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana and I said "no." Then I thought I might want a regular banana later, so, yes."

3. Daniel Tosh. He's new, so for him to be so high on Em's Funny List is special. I love biting sarcasm and someone who's not afraid to be politically incorrect, but not offensive (unless you're sensitive and then you probably find him offensive, in which case you probably shouldn't be watching comedy). He makes you realize that it's impossible to be mad on a jet ski. He's totally right. If someone said I could have free tickets to any comedian's show, he'd be second on the list.

2. George Carlin. He's the Godfather of Comedy. In my opinion, funny didn't exist in its present form before George Carlin. His ability to make humor out of every day situations in which we all share was priceless. "Things We Share" is one of my favorites from him and I always think about it when I'm going up or down stairs and I think there's one more step. Or pick up a suitcase I think is full but it's really empty and for a split second I think I'm really strong. The only reason he's not second on my list of comedians I want to see in person is, you know, the dead thing.

1. Eddie Izzard. He's the funniest person on the planet. When you think of smart, witty comedy with randomness abounding, Eddie Izzard is the master. One of the greatest things about him is his spontaneity and improv. Each show is different because he doesn't write his stuff down. He knows about what he wants to talk but two shows on a given tour can be markedly different from one another. You know that guy on Family Guy who just gets sarcasm and finds stuff "funny because it's true!"? That's how I feel when I watch Eddie Izzard. His subjects are hilarious stories and historical analysis. I know that doesn't sound funny, but it is. I can honestly say that 48 hours will not pass that I don't speak an Izzard quote, make an Eddie reference, or think silently to myself, "Oooh. Stupid man." This man is a genius and a true comedic icon.

I'd also like to add an honorable mention for Dana Carvey. His 1995 HBO special, "Critic's Choice" is one of my favorites. He just didn't do stand-up long enough to make my list because this is for stand-up.

You'll notice that Chris Rock is not on this list. I recognize Rock's hilarity. When I read his quotations from his acts, I laugh hard. It's his delivery that turns me off and thus, I cannot include him on Em's Funny List since it's MY favorite comedians and not necessarily the all-encompassing Best of All Time (though really, it should be). He yells at me and I'm not a fan of that. It's a shame too because the man's material really is funny.