I get a phone call this morning from someone who is meeting my boss here in our office. She wanted our "actual physical location." I give her our address and my boss's room number. I should also add that she didn't ask for this information when she scheduled the meeting with my boss and said, "We can come to her office." You'd think a "Can you give us the address" would have followed, but no. I just figured she knew where we were or had looked on my boss's email signature and Googled it, but whatever. She didn't ask when she scheduled the meeting and offered to come to our office. Back to the present story. So she calls and asks for our "actual physical location" as opposed to the fanciful one where I dream I work in a beautiful office overlooking the Pacific with palm trees and flamingos and penguins that frolic about in my purple-hued office where Metallica plays live shows for me each day and I never have to hear awful bands like Cage the Elephant. She also doesn't want me to say, "Chicago. Our office is in Chicago" because, well, that's 1) far too vague and 2) simply not true. To avoid magical and false information, she asks for our "actual physical location."
So I give her the address, she thanks me, and we hang up the phone.
Story detour: What do you do when you're given an address to meet with someone? I'll tell you what I do. I look up the address so I know where I'm going. This method works so well, that I feel no reservations about recommending this practice to each and every one of you. When someone provides you with an address, you can go to this website called "Google" and it will show you where it is. You can even go to this website and zoom to street level so you can see the exact building you'll be going to and you'll know what to look for when you arrive. It's amazing, try it.
This is not the avenue that the two people take when arriving. No no, I get a phone call from the male coming and he says "Hi. I'm at the corner of [your street] and [other street]. Where do I go?" That corner is literally--literally--just one house over from our office. There's *that corner*, house, then our house. Someone moderately vision-impaired without glasses could read our address from his exact location. So here's the conversation:
Man: "...where do I go?"
Me: "We're [number]"
Man: "Ok, well do I walk towards the park or the other way?"
Me: "You'd walk towards the park and we're on the right."
Man: "Oh ok, on the right. That explains a lot, thanks."
You know what's on the left? A giant cathedral. There is no way that we would be on the left. And, like most addresses, there is only one of our number on the street (b/c it would be silly to have 915 on BOTH sides of the street) and there is just no possible way he could NOT see that from where he was standing unless he didn't look.
I got two phone calls in the matter of an hour asking where we were. The person who called the first time was with the person who called the second time. Neither person bothered to look at a map before coming. Why would you when you can just ASK someone?
I just typed in our address into Google maps. You can see our front door. Just saying.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Bathroom Bitch
I can't quite explain what happened to me after using the restroom today. Oh I CAN describe it, but I don't think it will adequately convey the weirdness/awkwardness/strangeness of what I experienced. I shall try. First, however, I want to put in a little background information. This is all taking place in an urban college campus, where old houses have been converted into offices. By old, I mean OLD. This results in every room having a great deal of echo and one cannot clear one's throat without someone on the first floor being able to hear it. Thus, what I'm saying is: sound travels here. Far. You cannot do anything quietly. Second, the restroom door is at the foot of some stairs, which come at the end of a relatively long, skinny hall. There is no need to stand directly by the door, as there is plenty of space behind you, and not much room in front of you for the person to exit the restroom. Third, the sink and counter are situated in proximity to the door in such a way as there is enough clearance to open the door and not much else. And the door opens in. Therefore, the person in the restroom is opening the door on him- or herself and there is not room for anything other than the opening door and the door opener. On to the story...
1. I used the restroom. I had not been, nor planned to be, in the room for very long at all.
2. I was just about done with my usage of the restroom and the toilet is finishing up its loud flushing cycle. Loud as in the toilet is loud and everything echoes so it's freaking loud and there's no way someone on the second floor couldn't hear it.
3. As I'm finishing up and getting ready to leave--a fluff of the hair in the mirror is about all I had left at the time--someone tries to open the door. Forcefully. Multiple times.
4. At no time did this would-be intruder knock. He or she kept trying to open the OBVIOUSLY locked door.
**I would like to add, again, that sound travels like you wouldn't believe in this building. The WBI should have heard both the toilet flushing and me moving around. Plus, isn't it customary to KNOCK on a closed door before attempting to enter, ESPECIALLY in the case of a restroom?**
5. I opened the door to see someone I don't know looking right at me. But hold on, it gets weird here.
6. That person, instead of apologizing and stepping aside so I could walk out of the restroom, begins to walk towards me.
7. This person is attempting to get INTO the restroom before I am OUT of the restroom. There is that awkward movement where two people must turn sideways because they are trying, at the same time, to get through a space meant for only one person.
8. This person glared at me as though I was in her way. Apparently, I should have known that this person who I've never seen before would need to use the restroom mere seconds after I did and I should have prevented this whole episode.
At the very least, I need to 1) not lock the door so she can come and go as she pleases whether the facilities are available or not or 2) learn to open the door and exit at the EXACT same time even though laws of physics don't allow this. Of course, she could also walk upstairs to the 3rd floor where there was an open restroom, but whatever.
1. I used the restroom. I had not been, nor planned to be, in the room for very long at all.
2. I was just about done with my usage of the restroom and the toilet is finishing up its loud flushing cycle. Loud as in the toilet is loud and everything echoes so it's freaking loud and there's no way someone on the second floor couldn't hear it.
3. As I'm finishing up and getting ready to leave--a fluff of the hair in the mirror is about all I had left at the time--someone tries to open the door. Forcefully. Multiple times.
4. At no time did this would-be intruder knock. He or she kept trying to open the OBVIOUSLY locked door.
**I would like to add, again, that sound travels like you wouldn't believe in this building. The WBI should have heard both the toilet flushing and me moving around. Plus, isn't it customary to KNOCK on a closed door before attempting to enter, ESPECIALLY in the case of a restroom?**
5. I opened the door to see someone I don't know looking right at me. But hold on, it gets weird here.
6. That person, instead of apologizing and stepping aside so I could walk out of the restroom, begins to walk towards me.
7. This person is attempting to get INTO the restroom before I am OUT of the restroom. There is that awkward movement where two people must turn sideways because they are trying, at the same time, to get through a space meant for only one person.
8. This person glared at me as though I was in her way. Apparently, I should have known that this person who I've never seen before would need to use the restroom mere seconds after I did and I should have prevented this whole episode.
At the very least, I need to 1) not lock the door so she can come and go as she pleases whether the facilities are available or not or 2) learn to open the door and exit at the EXACT same time even though laws of physics don't allow this. Of course, she could also walk upstairs to the 3rd floor where there was an open restroom, but whatever.
30 Years of Habits
I just turned 30 a few days ago and while I don't feel that different, I have thought about a number of things. Ten years ago, I was in college and began a 365-day countdown to 21 on my AIM profile. At that time, I knew exactly who I was going to marry, in what my subject my degree would be, where I wanted to work afterward, when I was going to get married, etc. The only thing I didn't know, then, was who was going to take me out for my 21st birthday because I was the first of my friends to turn 21, save a good friend who did not yet drink at the time. Anyway, I just KNEW that by 30 I'd be old and married and a mother with a great job making a lot of money with my aerospace engineer husband.
Ten years is a large period of time, during which many many changes can take place.
I still work entry-level. I've dated the same guy for almost 9 years and there is no proposal on the horizon. I am childless, though I should also say that I am HAPPILY childless. When I reached about 23 or 25, I realized that I did not want children in my 20s. I think that was a wise decision, though I didn't really have a choice seeing as though I am still unmarried. I wanted to be married before 30 (but not much before), so that's goal number one unattained. I wanted to own my home before I was 30, so that's goal number two unattained. I EXPECTED to be working in my desired career field (much) before I was 30, so that's goal number three unattained. I planned on traveling to England and "accidentally" running into Prince William so that we could begin our fairy-tale romance, so there goes goal number four as well. Those unattained goals are really the only things I've felt down about since turning 30.
However, I've also thought about things I heard/said/did/experienced throughout my life onto which I still hold even though it's silly to do so. This part isn't deep. This is really thinking about those silly things that happened to you when you were a child that still influence your decision-making 25 years later. This is the fun part of turning 30. Thus I present to you...
Silly Childhood Crap That Continues to Influence Me Even Though I Know It's Silly Childhood Crap:
1. I'm quite reluctant to give you a bite of whatever I'm eating.
REASON: When I was about 5, I was about to enjoy a rare chocolate Little Debbie cake while sitting in my dad's lap. He asked for a bite and being the Daddy's Girl I am, I wholeheartedly offered him a bite even though I had not yet had one myself. He ate the whole thing, except that which my tiny girl hands were still gripping. I threw the last crescent at his chest and ran into my room where I cried on my bed. My mean Daddy had just eaten the ONE treat I was going to get that night and we NEVER had treats like Little Debbie cakes in the house! To this day he says that the only reason he did that was because he knew that we had more in the kitchen and that I was going to get BOTH cakes in the package instead of the one I was normally allowed to have. I still think he was doing it just to be mean, the drive behind the motivations of most boys.
2. I hate it if someone says my whole name--first, middle, last.
REASON: Kids are mean and want to upset you in any way possible. My 3 names flow together nicely and can get a nice rhythm. What that means is that it's easily chanted in a taunting manner. The kids at my babysitter's house did that...a lot. Such teasing usually came after my brother started it because he was a jerk. Still, I would cry and yell at them to stop, which just made them chant my name louder. Now, I like my name. I like my first name, I like my middle name, I like my last name, and I like how they flow together. All the kids were doing was saying my name. This simple act of saying my name, however, used to piss me off. So, to this day, I don't like hearing my name with any sort of rhythm.
3. I will usually side with the younger sibling.
REASON: I was the younger sibling. I hated my older brother because he could hit me, kick me, be mean to me, tease me, invite me to play before leaving me, restart the Nintendo when I was playing, invite me to play Super Mario Brothers then pause the game when I was jumping over something so that when he unpaused it I would fall to my death and lose a life that I was going to lose shortly anyway because I was a freaking 7-year-old girl playing as Luigi...and it would somehow be my fault and I was always asked, "Well what did you DO to make your brother hit you, kick you, be mean to you, tease you, etc.?" Thus, I tend to side with the younger sibling in most arguments.
4. I'm secretly terrified of escalators.
REASON: When I was young, my parents used to tell me that you could get really hurt by the escalator so I was always scared of getting on and off. Getting on to go down was especially terrifying b/c there's a chance you could go to step on and miss or the stair is going far faster than you really think and you could go flying forward and down the escalator to your certain death. Add this to the time my mom got on without waiting for me (I was probably 6 or 7) and rode it all the way down and I was just too scared to get on and I had visions of staying at the top of the escalator forever while my Mom didn't realize I wasn't there and went on without me just before a kidnapper came and got me and I would never see my family again. Luckily some nice lady held my hand and guided me down the escalator where my mother thankfully DID wait for me and I was not kidnapped. This could have been a really big deal.
5. I keep all of my credit receipts.
REASON: On an episode of ALF, the family got audited. It looked like quite the traumatic experience. I said that would never happen to me and if it did, I'd be prepared. So I had every credit/check receipt that I received from the age of 16 until about 27. Today, I'll get rid of them once a year--to make room for the next year's receipts. It's still quite hard b/c WHAT IF?! Forget that I claim nothing, have no dependents, etc.
There is no reason why any self-respecting 30 year old should still think these ways but I do.
Ten years is a large period of time, during which many many changes can take place.
I still work entry-level. I've dated the same guy for almost 9 years and there is no proposal on the horizon. I am childless, though I should also say that I am HAPPILY childless. When I reached about 23 or 25, I realized that I did not want children in my 20s. I think that was a wise decision, though I didn't really have a choice seeing as though I am still unmarried. I wanted to be married before 30 (but not much before), so that's goal number one unattained. I wanted to own my home before I was 30, so that's goal number two unattained. I EXPECTED to be working in my desired career field (much) before I was 30, so that's goal number three unattained. I planned on traveling to England and "accidentally" running into Prince William so that we could begin our fairy-tale romance, so there goes goal number four as well. Those unattained goals are really the only things I've felt down about since turning 30.
However, I've also thought about things I heard/said/did/experienced throughout my life onto which I still hold even though it's silly to do so. This part isn't deep. This is really thinking about those silly things that happened to you when you were a child that still influence your decision-making 25 years later. This is the fun part of turning 30. Thus I present to you...
Silly Childhood Crap That Continues to Influence Me Even Though I Know It's Silly Childhood Crap:
1. I'm quite reluctant to give you a bite of whatever I'm eating.
REASON: When I was about 5, I was about to enjoy a rare chocolate Little Debbie cake while sitting in my dad's lap. He asked for a bite and being the Daddy's Girl I am, I wholeheartedly offered him a bite even though I had not yet had one myself. He ate the whole thing, except that which my tiny girl hands were still gripping. I threw the last crescent at his chest and ran into my room where I cried on my bed. My mean Daddy had just eaten the ONE treat I was going to get that night and we NEVER had treats like Little Debbie cakes in the house! To this day he says that the only reason he did that was because he knew that we had more in the kitchen and that I was going to get BOTH cakes in the package instead of the one I was normally allowed to have. I still think he was doing it just to be mean, the drive behind the motivations of most boys.
2. I hate it if someone says my whole name--first, middle, last.
REASON: Kids are mean and want to upset you in any way possible. My 3 names flow together nicely and can get a nice rhythm. What that means is that it's easily chanted in a taunting manner. The kids at my babysitter's house did that...a lot. Such teasing usually came after my brother started it because he was a jerk. Still, I would cry and yell at them to stop, which just made them chant my name louder. Now, I like my name. I like my first name, I like my middle name, I like my last name, and I like how they flow together. All the kids were doing was saying my name. This simple act of saying my name, however, used to piss me off. So, to this day, I don't like hearing my name with any sort of rhythm.
3. I will usually side with the younger sibling.
REASON: I was the younger sibling. I hated my older brother because he could hit me, kick me, be mean to me, tease me, invite me to play before leaving me, restart the Nintendo when I was playing, invite me to play Super Mario Brothers then pause the game when I was jumping over something so that when he unpaused it I would fall to my death and lose a life that I was going to lose shortly anyway because I was a freaking 7-year-old girl playing as Luigi...and it would somehow be my fault and I was always asked, "Well what did you DO to make your brother hit you, kick you, be mean to you, tease you, etc.?" Thus, I tend to side with the younger sibling in most arguments.
4. I'm secretly terrified of escalators.
REASON: When I was young, my parents used to tell me that you could get really hurt by the escalator so I was always scared of getting on and off. Getting on to go down was especially terrifying b/c there's a chance you could go to step on and miss or the stair is going far faster than you really think and you could go flying forward and down the escalator to your certain death. Add this to the time my mom got on without waiting for me (I was probably 6 or 7) and rode it all the way down and I was just too scared to get on and I had visions of staying at the top of the escalator forever while my Mom didn't realize I wasn't there and went on without me just before a kidnapper came and got me and I would never see my family again. Luckily some nice lady held my hand and guided me down the escalator where my mother thankfully DID wait for me and I was not kidnapped. This could have been a really big deal.
5. I keep all of my credit receipts.
REASON: On an episode of ALF, the family got audited. It looked like quite the traumatic experience. I said that would never happen to me and if it did, I'd be prepared. So I had every credit/check receipt that I received from the age of 16 until about 27. Today, I'll get rid of them once a year--to make room for the next year's receipts. It's still quite hard b/c WHAT IF?! Forget that I claim nothing, have no dependents, etc.
There is no reason why any self-respecting 30 year old should still think these ways but I do.
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